17-year-old puts Stepmother in her place after she upstages her mother's memorial and makes it about herself: 'Whenever mom got mentioned by anyone she tried to change conversation'

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Apr 22, 2025 12:00 PM EDT

There is a lot to be said about those with the propensity to make an event that is not about them, about them. You'll see, hear, and read about it all the time with this one simple, egotistical, narcissistic act making for all sorts of varied conflict in families and friend groups. Usually, this results in or consists of some sort of thunder stealing, like proposing at someone else's wedding. But always entails some re-centering of the spotlight through elaborate dress and appearance, or general monopolization of the conversation or narrative of the event.

Without a doubt, one of the worst and most egregious examples of this is making a memorial or a loss about yourself when it, frankly, has nothing to do with you.

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  • 01

    "AITA for getting mad at my dad's wife for trying to make a family gathering to honor mom about her?"

    My mom did when I (17m) was 9. I have two older siblings (19m and 21f) and we always joined our maternal family every year for this celebration/remembrance of mom. Dad has mostly joined too. But a couple of years he didn't go and my siblings and I went without him.
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  • You'd almost want to believe that there is no way someone could sink this low, but something as powerfully tragic as a loss seems to have the ability to bring this out of people and get people to expose their true feelings, personality flaws, and toxic obsession with themselves. Furthering their quest for attention, they make themselves the victim when others refuse to cater to their self-obsession.

    This is precisely what this stepmother did at a memorial event for her teen stepdaughter's mother. Monopolizing the event and generally making a scene to divert attention in her direction.

  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10496849920
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03
    My dad met his wife when I was 11, they started dating when I was 13 and got married when I was 15. She's very awkward about me and my siblings. I don't think she knew what to do about older stepkids. We didn't want or need a new mom. But she has issues with feeling left out. Not just around this. But if she ever feels left out of something she gets all in her head and struggles. I've seen her like that around dad's friends. For that reason she doesn't spend time around my maternal side and ther
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  • 04
    My dad wanted to go to the family gathering like he had most years and his wife decided she wanted to come too. Dad said he wanted her there as well. That she's his wife and it's still a difficult day for him.
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  • 05
    She was very awkward from the second we got there and she was being really needy and demanding. When she didn't cling to dad she was trying to interrupt conversations me and my siblings were having. Whenever mom got mentioned by anyone she tried to change conversation. When we were all going around sharing a memory of mom she made this crying sound and left for ages. She came back in tears and insisted on leaving and she cried harder when I said I'd stay and get dropped off.
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  • 06
    When I did get home she was saying how awful it was and how nobody wanted to talk to her and she felt unwanted and it was so uncomfortable hearing mom talked about so much and by everyone. That she tried this and that but it was all mom mom mom and she had wanted to hide because it felt like she was being told over and over that mom was better than her. She said it really hurt her feelings being there and she felt we should have considered her more. It ped me off and I told her she should've hav
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  • 07
    My dad said I was overly harsh and it's harder for her to know me and my siblings are mad at her over it. And I am. I'm still mad at it almost a month later and I'm avoiding her because I don't have anything nice to say right now. She tried to explain herself to me but I told her to stop and walked away. Dad said I'm making it worse by staying mad at her and she didn't do anything worth this. That she's entitled to her feelings. AITA?
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    Cheezburger Image 10496850176
    via Brian Wangenheim

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 09
    FloMoJoeBlow • 5h ago NTA. Stepmom is jealous of your mom's memory, and Dad won't set her a straight.
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  • 10
    Apprehensive_War9612 NTA Imagine the mental gymnastics needed to attend an event meant to honor a deceased person, then trying to stop people from talking about the deceased person. This woman is a nutjob. This would be the last straw in refusing to have a relationship with her.
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  • 11
    hedwigflysagain NTA, but your Dad is. He should be shutting her "pick me" act down. She needs therapy if she can't have empathy for grieving children. Tell your dad this is his problem to fix. Because when you turn 18, he will have no input into your life. And if he wants a relationship with you, the work has to start now, not after you go no contact. By then it will be too late. Get him to look into the future. What does he want from his children? To be a part of their lives and lives of possib
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  • 12
    redditlurker1981 My step mom is dramatic a hole too. She married my dad after my mom død. She had a full on meltdown at my wedding because I had photos of my mom around, and thought I should've done more to honour her. She didn't even marry my dad until I was in my 20s. Her insecurities are not your problem. And she should not be making a memorial about your mom about her.
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  • 13
    Your dad sounds like a coward. And your step mom is crazy town banana pants
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  • 14
    Solid_Product8557 NTA- sounds like the new wife is jealous of your mother and the relationships you had. She should be encouraging and get to know what your relationship was like with your mom.
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  • 15
    BraveWarrior-55 NTA Your stepmom has issues, lots of issues. Your dad is enabling this by not point blank telling his wife that the memorial was not about her or her feelings but was to remember his late wife. She should have just quietly been present, not joining in conversations unless she was offering empathy in the loss. But since your dad didn't step up to remind his wife of this, maybe it is time for him to cease attending this. Try to make it just your maternal relatives and your siblings
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family dynamics teens family drama stepmother aita AITAH infant kids teenagers blended family siblings stepchild moms family feud parenting family reddit thread parent raising kids Parenting Fail parents children
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